A step by step guide

1. What are the first things I should do?

Call the persons you would like to come immediately to be with you.

Obtain an official pronouncement of death from a doctor, registered nurse or medical examiner.

Call the funeral home of your choice to come for the body of the person who has died.

Call the church office, or (if it is after hours) call one of the pastors.

   Would you like him or her to come right away? If at all possible he or she will come immediately, but if that is not possible he or she will contact one of the other pastors to be with you. (This is not the time to be concerned about planning the worship service. That will come later.)

If you do not feel a need for the pastor to come immediately, you might want to identify the time when he or she can phone to schedule a time to discuss the worship service and the grief process.

Call other persons you want to know or who need to know.

2. When the people from the funeral home come for the body, set a time to meet with them to discuss and make funeral plans.

The funeral directors in the funeral homes most often used by members of our congregation have been professional and sensitive in dealing with persons in your situation. This is because they are decent, caring persons and also because they want your good will when you talk with others about your experience with them.

3. What will you discuss or decide in your meeting at the funeral home with the funeral director?

Will the body be buried or cremated?

• If there is a burial of the body or the ashes, where will this be done Have you already purchased cemetery lots?

• Do you need to purchase cemetery lots?

Decide about services:

• funeral service followed by a burial service

• a burial service followed by a memorial service

• a memorial service only

• only a graveside service (A memorial service is the same as a funeral except the body is not present.)

Where will the service(s) be held?

• graveside only

• graveside and then the church or funeral home

• church or funeral home and then graveside

• other

Choices of funeral home services and merchandise:

• casket

• casket container

• flowers

• limousine service

• processional to cemetery with police escort

• etc.

Do you want an article in the newspaper(s)?

• If so, which newspapers?

• Who will write the article?

• Will a picture accompany the article?

• If so, who will provide the picture?

Provide information to the funeral home to complete the process to obtain certified death certificates.

How many copies will be needed (banks, insurance, Social Security, etc.)?

4. Planning the service(s) with the pastor:

Set a time with the pastor when you can spend approximately one and a half hours with the pastor to plan the service(s) and to discuss what can be expected in the grieving process.

If possible, it is wise to have the immediate family members involved in the planning of the worship and the discussion about what to expect in grief.

Decide either to have this session at home or at the church.

1.    Planning the service and discussing grief usually takes about an hour and a half.

2.    If you choose to have this session at your home, it will be helpful to meet with the pastor in private and to have a friend answer the phone and host any visitors who call during this session so that the planning of the service and the discussion about grief can take place without interruptions. ( Sometimes staying focused is not easy in the early stage of grief.)

 

5. What about flowers?

The policy of T.U.M.C. regarding flowers is:

• At a funeral (the casket is present), if there are any flowers in the sanctuary, they are to be where flowers are during worship on Sunday.

• At a memorial service (the casket is not present), there may also be a standing arrangement of flowers where the casket would have been.

• Other flowers may be placed in the narthex or in the fellowship hall if there is a gathering to be held after the service.

6. What about music?

If the service is at the funeral home: The funeral home will make arrangements for the musicians.

If the service is to be in the sanctuary or chapel and music is requested, the pastor will contact Elaine Dystra to make arrangements.

Only music appropriate for worship shall be used in the service. (Favorite secular songs or music are most appropriate in a reception following the worship services.)

The church does not have the capability of using recorded music in the sanctuary.

The church does have a small player that can be used in the chapel.

7. What costs are there?

8. What about honorarium for the pastor?

Members Of Tarrytown United Methodist Church:

• No honorarium is expected from members of the congregation because this is part o a pastor's responsibilities.

• However, if the family chooses to make a special gift to pastor, the amount is to be decided by the family.

• If special travel is required, expenses of the clergy should be covered.

Non-members:

• An honorarium of at least that of the organist is appropriate.

Church contacts:

Please call a pastor at Tarrytown United Methodist Church if you would like to discuss these issues further.