If you have ever been unable to sleep because you were struggling with some problem, if you have ever tossed and turned through the night wrestling with some worry or fear, you may discover significant insight and meaning in the story that was read today. In this story I have found a reflection of some of my own midnight tossing and turning.

Years before this story took place, the main character, Jacob, had to leave home in a hurry, running for his life. As you may remember, the reason Jacob's life was in danger was that he had pulled a fast business deal and taken advantage of his brother Esau's hunger in order to get the inheritance that according to the laws of that day rightfully belonged to his brother. Not content with that, Jacob had pretended to be Esau and tricked their blind and dying father into giving him the blessing which declared that Jacob would be the head of the family, the family's significant wealth and the family's lucrative sheep herding business. When Esau found out what had happened, Esau swore that just as soon as their father died, he would kill his younger twin brother, the lying, scheming, cheating rascal named Jacob.

Jacob had run away to find safety living with his Uncle Laban, who was the brother of his mother. Those of you who have read all the Jacob stories will remember that Uncle Laban was something of a scoundrel also; he pulled a marriage scam that caused Jacob to have a debt to his uncle that would take Jacob fourteen years to pay, rather than the seven of the original deal. But Jacob used those fourteen years to pull a huge scam on his uncle—a scam that took away much of his uncle's wealth, and made Jacob a rich man. Having done this, Jacob realized he had worn out his welcome, and it was time for Jacob to return home.

But going home meant he had to face Esau. On his way home, Jacob learned Esau was coming to meet him, and that Esau had four hundred men with him. Did this mean Esau was still determined to kill Jacob? Jacob sent very generous peace offerings to his brother, hoping these would help pave the way, and perhaps cool his brother's wrath. But would that do the trick?

As the story we read today begins, it was night. Jacob was alone and in the dark. Would all his schemes, lies and deceits catch up with him tomorrow? Would Esau seek revenge and try to kill him?

What we do or fail to do has a way of catching up with us. Who has not felt alone and in the dark as we faced some scary, problem filled tomorrow? Who has not at some point in life been caught between regrets about the past and fears about tomorrow? Isn't this when most of us sincerely confess our sin and earnestly ask for God's help? A few verses before the passage we read today, we are told this is what Jacob did (32:9-12).

When Jacob was all alone and in the dark, he found himself attacked. He wrestled through the night with "a man," the passage says. It is not until later in the story that Jacob came to realize he had really been wrestling with God. But in the early going and throughout much of the night, Jacob believed he was wrestling with a man.

Isn't that the way it is? Much of what we wrestle with—especially in the midnight hours of our lives—looks like something other than God. It looks like worries about finances or fears about someone we love or anxiety about what someone dear to us is doing. We think we are wrestling with problems in our work or concerns about our future, or that it is some other fear that keeps us tossing and turning in our midnight wrestling. It is not until later, sometimes even years later when the light begins to dawn, that we become aware our struggles with those human problems were in truth our way of wrestling with God and God's way of wrestling with us.

But in the early going, it appears to be some human something that Jacob is wrestling. Jacob and this stranger toss and turn through the darkness of the night. Wrestling what he has to wrestle, Jacob is wounded; he is caused some pain. But as wounded as he is, the wrestling does not stop.

And that, too, is the way it is; isn't it? Just because we are hurt, the problem, the fear, the worry does not go away. Just because we are thrown out of joint by what we have to wrestle does not mean there is a time-out called. On through the dark times of our lives, wounded as we are, the wrestling match goes on. Our pain does not make our problems go away. Our pain is merely another part of the ordeal.

In this story from Genesis, some things happen as the light begins to dawn. First there is the temptation to quit, the temptation to let go of the issue, the problem, the stranger. Jacob refuses. He says: "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

As I thought about this part of the story, my appreciation for Jacob grew. In my life and in the lives of persons I have known, when we have had to wrestle through the dark times, all too often we have given in to the temptation to let it go too quickly. We just wanted to escape, to get away. But then, sooner or later, we had to deal with what we had not finished.

On the other hand, sometimes we have hung on with bull-headed tenacity, trying to force reality to be what we wanted reality to be, trying to win our way and punish the one we believe had wounded us.

Jacob hung on, but not out of bull-headed tenacity, or out of a desire to get even with the one who had thrown his hip out of joint. Jacob hung on because he was seeking a blessing. "I am not going to quit," Jacob was saying, "just to get away from this ordeal. I want a blessing. I want something good to come out of all this."

There is much in the stories about Jacob that show him to be a scoundrel, a liar and a cheat. But in this story, there is something to admire. Jacob did not let go, nor did he keep fighting just out of stubbornness or because he wanted revenge. In this story, by the time the light begins to dawn, Jacob is seeking a blessing from what he was been wrestling.

By this time in the story, Jacob is beginning to sense he is wrestling with something that is more than merely human. What he is wrestling has power to bless him. And when we reach the point Jacob reached, we, too, begin to suspect that what is causing us to toss and turn through the night is something more than merely problems with family members, people on the job or financial worries. Like Jacob, we begin to suspect that, in and through such seemingly human struggles, situations, problems and circumstances, we are really wrestling with "Something" that not only has the power to wound us, but also has the power to bless us.

But rather than being given a blessing, Jacob is asked: "What is your name?" The word "name" in Hebrew means a whole lot more than it means to most of us who speak only English. In Hebrew, to tell someone your name is to reveal who you really are. What Jacob was being asked is: "Who are you, really?" And Jacob tells him his name: "My name is Jacob." And the name "Jacob" means something like the "grasping one," "one who grabs" "one who is a taker rather than a giver." This is who Jacob really was, a grasping person who had cheated his brother, deceived his father and pulled a scam on his uncle.

Before a blessing comes, not only must we wrestle with whatever we must wrestle, we must also face and admit who we really are.

It was then that Jacob was given a new identity. "You shall no longer be called Jacob, the grasping one, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans and have endured." This is the way it is; isn't it? It is in facing ourselves as we are, it is in honestly admitting to God and to ourselves who we really are that we are given new possibility and thus, new identity. It is then that we who have been like Jacob are declared by God to be Israel.

At this point in the story, Jacob wanted to know about God. "What is your name? Who are you, really?" But the only answer Jacob, that is Israel, receives is a question: "Why do you want to know?" It is something like the enigmatic answer God gave Moses when he asked the same question: God replied: "I am what I am." For us humans, God remains a mystery. We can know God is love. We can know God was in Christ. But we humans can never fully know God as God completely knows us.

Although Jacob did not fully know or understand God, as the light of a new day replaced the darkness, Jacob, who had become Israel, was blessed.

And what is the blessing? The story does not say. It merely says he was blessed. At first I was frustrated by this, but then I realized the profound wisdom of the story teller. Of all the gifts we receive in life, it is most difficult to say what God's blessing is. Especially when we have lived through experiences such as the one described in this story. God's blessing is more than any of the gifts we can easily identify. God's blessing is special, unique and personal for each of us. And because it is so special and so personal, we are always in the process of discovering just what God's blessing really is and what it really means for our living.

One thing is clear and certain. We are not the same after such an experience. This was true of Jacob, who became Israel in this story. He limped away from this experience; that is to say, he never walked the same again. And when all this happens to us, neither do we.

God, when we find ourselves tossing and turning in the night and struggling for our lives in the dark times, help us remember this story and enable us to discover what it says and means for our living. Amen.

Pastoral Prayer:

God, this is the time of year when we fill our calendars and schedules and begin new routines. Save us, O God, from overcrowding our agendas so that we have no time for You, little time for those we love, and in the process exhaust ourselves spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Gives us the wisdom and the ability to find that balance between trying to do too much and wasting our time doing too little. O God, it is so easy for us to be at one extreme or the other. Help us to find the proper balance in our daily living between work and play. Motivate us to make room in our schedules for activities that will develop our spiritual strength and insight.

When we look closely into the stories about Jesus, we see he lived in a rhythm of worship, work, reflection, recreation, and enjoyment of relationships. Help us to find the rhythm of life that will enable us to be his faithful disciples. This we pray, remembering he taught us to pray: "Our Father …"