The last couple of weeks I have talked about prayer. In each of these sermons I have said that prayer is not merely saying words to God. Prayer has to do with our stance and attitude toward God that shapes all we say and do. The passage we read today clearly states that the stance and attitude that is to shape all that we say and do is love. So, today I am going to talk about prayer as love and love as prayer.

The problem is that among us human beings, it is not unusual for what we call love to be anything but loving. Who of us has not experienced the claims of love as a means of manipulation? The darling little daughter climbs into her daddy's lap and gives him a hug, knowing that is this the best prelude to asking for she wants. And as adults, we continue to use gestures of love as a tactic of manipulation; we simply do it in a less obvious, more sophisticated way.

We humans are skillful in using the word "love" to camouflage all sorts of selfishness. In fact we are so skilled that we are able to be quite unloving and not only call it love, but even fool ourselves into believing what we are saying and doing is loving. For example, there is the angry rage of jealousy, which we sometimes attempt to justify to ourselves and others by saying, "It is only because I love you so much." But, of course, jealousy is not really about love; it is really about possession and ownership and power and the attempt to be selfishly in control. Another way we humans distort love is for a man or a woman who is caught in the grips of erotic passion to try to bless adultery by calling it love. We humans are so skilled in using pretensions of love to hide our selfishness that we often fool even ourselves, and we believe the rationalizations we use to camouflage our self-centeredness.

We even try to fool God the way the selfish child tries to manipulate the love of a parent. We make a donation or we say what we think God wants to hear as ways of cajoling God into doing what we want done. It is easy for us humans to sail through our days flying the flag of loving God and neighbor when all the while it is selfishness charting the course of our lives. Without missing a beat or feeling the least bit of embarrassment we are able to sing "O how I love Jesus," without it having any real impact on what we do with our talent, time or money. We will even allow ourselves to believe that the tears that come to our eyes in worship are evidence of our love for God.

Of course, we really do know better. We know that unless such tears are accompanied by daily living that pleases God, our tears are merely the byproduct of good religious drama and inspirational music. I am confident all of us gathered here know that loving God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength involves more than holding hands in candlelight and singing songs we learned at church camp or on the Emmaus Walk.

It is not the words we say to God or the tears we shed in worship that are our primary expressions of our love for God and neighbor. It is our living in harmony with God. And for us to live in harmony with God, the primary characteristic of who God is should be the primary characteristic of us humans created in the image of God. I suspect most of us gathered here, along with the writer of First John, believe that the primary characteristic of God is love. This being the case, then, if we are going to live in harmony with God, the love that is the primary characteristic of God is also to be the primary characteristic of our living.

As I have said before, English, especially American English, is poverty-stricken when it comes to talking about love. The result is there is often misunderstanding when we speak of love. Are we talking about what the Greeks called eros? Are we talking about romantic love, the deep passions of erotic love? Or, when we say love are we talking about the deep, warm friendship that the Greek word philia points toward? Or, is the love we are talking about what the Greeks called storge, the family type of love such as between me and my granddaughters?

Or, do we mean what the writer of the passage we read today meant when he spoke of love? It is the kind of love mentioned throughout the New Testament to describe God's love for us, Jesus' love for us, our love for God and Christ, as well as our love for both our neighbor and our enemy. This special kind of love is agape. The best definition I have been able to put together is that agape is giving of one's self for the good of others, even when one does not feel like doing so.

This is the kind of love the writer of the First Letter of John was talking about. This self-giving kind of love is what he said was the basic characteristic of God, and this self-giving kind of love is supposed be the primary characteristic of our living-if we are to live in harmony with God. The passage we read tells us that the way we know this is because of what God has revealed in Jesus. As it is stated in the passage: "God's love [God's giving of himself for our good] was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him."

So, what does this kind of living look like? It looks like compassion in action. It looks like a child who gives one of her favorite dolls to a child who has none and in the process, does not expect any applause. It looks like a man on the golf course having both the courage and compassion to speak up when racist jokes offend him. It looks like a teenager taking time to visit an elderly shut-in and not expecting any kind of reward. It looks like a teacher staying later than usual because of time spent helping a student after school. It looks like the woman or the man who invests hours working as a volunteer to provide some sort of help for persons in need, and doing it simply because there is a need. It looks like the lawyer donating his or her time for a worthy cause without any fanfare, or taking as a client someone in need who cannot pay. It looks like a doctor or a nurse investing hours in a charity clinic. It looks like a busy executive rearranging his schedule because a colleague with a personal problem needs someone to talk to. It looks like a man or woman writing a check that will enable a worthy cause to be served. It looks like a successful upper level manager going out of her or his way to express appreciation to an often ignored worker. It looks like a junior high youth taking his or her lunch tray to sit beside an unpopular and lonely classmate. It looks like someone writing, calling, visiting a legislator on behalf of a bill that will improve life for those at the bottom. It looks like a kind deed done for a grouch and a compassionate act done for a nerd. It looks like the person who is speaking out against policies that do harm. It looks like the employee who places his or her job in jeopardy by asking questions about actions that appear to be unethical.

It looks like all of this and much, much more that is done for the good of others with no desire for recognition or reward. It is not a good deed done for applause or for the sake of building a reputation or for gaining special recognition from God. It is done because there is a real need that is seen and we give of ourselves to meet that need. It is giving of oneself for the good of the other without any ulterior motive other than doing what is needed. In all these ways, self-giving love, agape, is lived and expressed.

All who live such a life are living in harmony with God. This is what I understand the writer of First John meant when he wrote: "Everyone who loves is born of God …" Whether the person believes it or not, the self-giving love of God is at work in and through the self-giving love of this person. Whether the person is aware of it or not, this person is an instrument of the grace of God.

It is in living the love we see revealed and confirmed in Jesus Christ that we live as God intends. It is then that we live in harmony with God because the basic characteristic of God-self-giving love-is also what characterizes our living.

Because prayer is not just the words we say to God, but also, and primarily, the life we live in the presence of God, prayer can be understood as self-giving love and self-giving love as prayer.

God, may our living be such a prayer. Amen.

Pastoral Prayer:
          God, keep our focus on loving you and our neighbor. There are so many distractions and temptations, we veer off course without even noticing that we have once again wandered into the wilderness of selfishness. Even in the process of doing what you want us to do, it is easy for our motive to shift from compassion to that of focusing on what we are going to get out of it.
          God, when we lose our focus on you, we begin to act as if we are the center of the universe-or at least we begin to act as if we thought we ought to in charge, and we find ourselves upset because other people will not do our bidding. From a distance our pretending to be boss of the universe must appear to be a hilarious comedy, but from our involvement in the mess, it feels like anything but a comedy.
          God, we need your help. Keep us focused on you and your love. Protect us from being distracted in our striving to love you and our neighbor. Each day, enable us to live the prayer Jesus taught us: "Our Father…"

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^[1] I John 4:7-8 was one of the passages read at the Presidential Inaugural Prayer Service, January 21, 2001.