Two Sons and a Father

Rev. Ron Campbell
Tarrytown United Methodist Church

July 13, 2003

Text: Luke 15:11-32

This story or parable that is our scripture today is most often called the Prodigal Son. I call it simply, "Two Sons and a Father," for I want to focus on the three central characters in the story. On the announcement page inside your worship bulletin, you see a scanned picture of Rembrandt's painting of this parable, which he called "The Prodigal Son." Cindy Stone's framed poster of this painting is before us here on the tripod. Come and take a closer look later. You'll notice that in this painting the prominent person standing on the right is the elder son watching the Father bless his kneeling younger brother. In the story the blessing of the younger son and the elder's brother's reaction, are separated. Rembrandt puts them together here to give us the opportunity to reflect upon all three persons in the story in relationship to each other. There are other onlookers in this painting. Note that Rembrandt has placed each character so as to draw us also into the painting as onlookers. So, as we look at the Father and his two sons, let's see how we can place ourselves in this story, and what we can learn about ourselves and about God.

Our mission team going to Russia in early August will stand before the original Rembrandt painting in the Hermitage in St. Petersburg at the end of our trip. In preparation for this, we're all reading the devotional book, The Return of The Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henry Nouwen. He wrote this book after many years of reflection upon the parable and upon Rembrandt's painting. It was an impactful experience for me, last September, to stand before the original painting with Cindy and Christine Bailie. This second trip I'm looking forward even more eagerly to going back, now having the benefit of Nouwen's wisdom he shares in his book.

One of Nowen's gyms in his book is his insight that identifies aspects of each of the two sons and the father that applies to each of our lives. Every one of us has a different connection as to how our lives relate to these two sons and a father, but surely we each can identify with all three in some way. Let's take them one at a time. First, let's look at this younger son. There are two things to note about him: He left in defiance, and he returned in humility.

In my life, there was a period of conflict with my father when I was living at home and going to college. It revolved around several issues but the bottom line was that I needed to separate from him, and he needed to push me away. The crisis point in this conflict came when I was in the navy in San Diego. My mom and dad came to visit Jeri and me while we were there. I had grown a beard, a scraggly beard at that. The new Chief of Naval Operations, Admiral Zumwalt, had relaxed the hair code in the navy and many sailors had started growing hair on their faces. While mom and dad visited they totally ignored my beard; but upon returning home, they each wrote me letters that chastised me for having it. My dad's letter particularly stung. He and mom had worshiped with us at our church, First United Methodist Church in Mission Valley, and the sermon that day was based on the parable of the Prodigal Son. Well, you can see what's coming! Yes he called me the prodigal son, and told me that I was not welcome in his home until I was clean-shaven. I was in the foreign land and had left him in defiance. Now you who are old enough will understand why that beard had taken on so much symbolic meaning. This was in the middle of the Vietnam War in 1971.

I went to see my pastor, but he only added fuel to the fire. He gave me a book to read called, Like Father, Like Son, Like Hell! Now, I didn't consciously grow that bead to rebel against my dad, but I did keep it for that reason! For two years I didn't go home. By the way, after I got out of the navy, I had to shave that ugly beard to get my old teaching job back at Round Rock High School. They had a hair code for students and for teachers. It was such a relief! I had an excuse for shaving it without giving in to my dad.

Well, after about two years, my dad and I found ourselves in a hospital waiting room in Houston for several days while my grandfather, his father, struggled in a coma in ICU after heart surgery and then finally died. When Jeri and I went to Sherman for the funeral we stayed at my uncle and aunt's house, for I was not ready to go home. As we were leaving my grandfather's house after the funeral to come back to Austin, my dad came up beside me, put his arm around me. He said to me, "Ron, when you come home again, son, I hope you'll come and stay with me and mom." I did come back, and we did stay with mom and dad. One morning as he was shaving, I went in to him and said "Dad, for my part of this war we've been in I'm sorry. I want you to know that I need a father more than I need to think I'm right!" He looked at me emotionally, and choked out, "Well, it goes both ways." That began a process of healing that took several years. I'm happy to say that my dad and I have a reconciled relationship, and he tells me he loves me even more often than I say that to him.

Have you ever left home in defiance, as did the younger son? Can you relate to the younger son who left in defiance, but came home in humility? Psychologists say that the average age when we emotionally separate from our parents is 35! The struggle between closeness and distance between parents and children is a central theme in human nature. By understanding this there's a sense in which we can positively frame the leaving of the younger son as part of this life stage of needing to push against and to separate from his parents to find his own sense of self and identity. To become our own selves; at some point in life, usually in the teenage years, but later for others; we have to turn away, perhaps even push away from our parents. And it's instructive to note, that in Jesus' story, the younger son in the far away land, when he reached the bottom of his ability to cope away from his parents, finally "came to himself." Before we can return, we have to "come to our self." Before we can truly rejoin our parents, we have to become our own person, our own true self. The younger son left in defiance, but when he came to himself, he returned in humility, seeking reconciliation and a blessing.

Now let's look now at the elder son. The elder son also reflects two positions or two responses to life. On the one hand, he's the responsible older brother: dependable, reliable, loyal, always doing the right thing. He stayed at home and worked along side his father. He was respected and admired. He was successful and powerful.

And all of this was a good thing! Yet even good things, taken to the extreme, can turn in on themselves and have negative consequences. The elder brother's responsibility became over-responsibility. And it's apparent by his reaction to the father's response to his returning and repenting younger brother that he was living with a great deal of unresolved anger and tension. From his response we see that the elder brother felt unappreciated, thinking that others, especially his father, had overlooked his huge efforts to be good and to be responsible. He felt like he was taken for granted. He wasn't sure of his father's love. And he was deeply jealous of his father's spontaneous and joyful reception given to his irresponsible, repentant brother.

I've noticed this reaction in myself from time to time. There are times in my life when I've felt that my good intentions and hard work haven't paid off; times when I've not been appreciated by others; times when I've felt that I was carrying more of the load than was fair; and there have been times in my life when I was envious of where others were and I wasn't and wanted to be.

Although my experience with the elder brother has been indirect, my dad's experience is direct. He knew this jealousy in relation to his younger brother. Dad was the oldest of six children. His brother, my uncle Jack, was two years younger than him. Uncle Jack died of Alzheimer's at the age of 65. Dad and Jack treasured their relationship as brothers, and my dad gave constant attention and care to Jack during the last two horrible years of his life. But dad was always jealous of Jack, for he thought that Papaw loved Jack more. This ate him up. It was something that hurt him deeply, but he didn't know how to resolve it. Then when papaw went in for his heart surgery, which he didn't survive, my dad initiated an honest heart to heart talk with him the night before his surgery. I'm sure their conversation resembled very closely the conversation between the elder brother and the father in Jesus' story. My papaw told my dad in a very frank and direct, way that he was absolutely wrong! My papaw told my dad that he loved him as much as he loved uncle Jack. My dad and papaw had always had more conflict in their relationship, and just didn't have the same ease in their relationship as Jack and papaw did. But my papaw convinced my dad, on his deathbed, how much he loved him. And my dad accepted his father's blessing.

Does this story of the elder son fit you anywhere? Are there times when you've felt overworked, undervalued, and under appreciated? Are there times when you've been bitter, resentful, angry or jealous? Are there times when you questioned the absolute acceptance and unconditional love of your parents?

Now let's look at this father more carefully. He is old and nearly blind. His face reflects his years of pain. Rembrandt's life was characterized by radical ups and downs, drastic turns of fortune, triumphs and defeats, celebrations and disappointments, great opulence and financial crises, and great loves and tragic deaths. Rembrandt had clearly lived all three key positions in this story. He'd been the prodigal son, the elder brother, and finally the father who blesses. And in his painting we see an expression of Rembrandt himself in the father. No longer reflecting external strength and confidence; but instead, reflecting huge internal resources of strength and warmth.

Nouwen in his book emphasized this point, and took it even further. Nouwen believed that this story of the two sons and a father calls for us to become more and more in our lives like the father; to become like the father who strengthens and who blesses. In fact, Nouwen asserts that this image of the father is the goal of the spiritual life, to become more and more like the loving father.

You see, Jesus told his parable in response to hard questioning from religious legalists who were challenging him. They'd come to him complaining that he was too compassionate and too accepting of people they despised as being far from God's righteousness. They referred to these people as tax collectors and sinners. Jesus responded to them with three parables, all in this 15th chapter of Luke. He told a story about a shepherd who left all of his sheep to find the one sheep that was lost. He told a story about a woman who searched all night long to find a precious, valued coin that was lost. And he told this story of a son who defiantly left home, and when he humbly returned, his father ran down the road to hug and kiss him!

You see God loves us that much also. And this is the reason that we need to hear this story over and over and over. Jesus told us this story to let us know how deep and long-suffering is the love of our heavenly father. Now none of our earthly fathers measure up to this divine love. But our heavenly father is full of grace and truth, always willing to forgive and to welcome home. But we also need to understand from this story, that we are called not just to receive the father's blessing, but also to be the one's who give the father's blessing to others.

Bill Glass, founder and guru of the Weekend of Champions Prison Ministry, regularly walks into prisons and goes face to face with inmates, men and women, many of whom are hardened criminals. He looks each of them in the eyes, and says to them something like this: "Every one of us, every one of us, needs the blessing of a parent. We need this gift of primal love, to know that we're truly loved and accepted, and cherished. Unfortunately, many earthly parents haven't or can't give this gift to their children. But we still need it! There are people here today standing among you you've gotten to know in these last two days. They're here to give you that blessing. In a few moments turn to one of them and ask them for this blessing that you need and that you deserve. And I want you to know that we come here not just out of our own love for you, but we come reaching out to you with the love of God. Your heavenly father is reaching out through us to bless you, for he's always loved you and pleaded for you, even when you've been bad and have felt so far away from him. So reach out now to one of our ministers, and let the love of God come to you through them as they give you the blessing that you long for." You can't imagine what happens after that invitation. Just ask anyone who has participated in a Weekend of Champions, or who's been on a Kyrios Prison Ministry weekend.

We don't have to go into the prisons to give God's blessing. For every one of us needs it! And every one of us can be God's vessel to give it to each other. We each can be the instruments of God's blessing to our neighbors and our co-workers, to our wives and our husbands, to our children, and yes, even to our parents. We just need to intentionally open our hearts, and reach out our arms and our hands in embrace, extending one hand in firm and secure encouragement, and the other hand in gentle, accepting compassion.

This story or parable that is our scripture today is most often called the Prodigal Son. I've called it simply, "Two Sons and a Father," for I've wanted to focus on the three central characters in the story. Yes somewhere in each of us, each one of us, is the son who ran off in defiance. I hope that you and I are able to also be the son or the daughter who returns in humility for the blessing. And somewhere in our lives, we're each the elder brother, over responsible and resentful. I hope we know we can still repent and return in reconciliation, knowing that the Father's blessing is equally offered to us who stayed at home. And hopefully somewhere in us, is the loving father, hose heart and arms and hands are open wide to receive and to bless those who seek reconciliation and reunion.

Let us pray: Heavenly Father, help us to have the humility to recognize your great love for us, to seek that love with our whole heart, and when we find it Lord, send us out with new joy to give the love we've found to others, who also need your love and your blessing. Amen